Episode 2: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome as a First Gen

 

 

Hi Diaries of First Gen fam! Get ready for an episode that's all heart and a sprinkle of resilience as your host, Paloma,  takes the mic to talk about her experience through higher education and the notorious imposter syndrome.

Join Paloma for a recount of her academic journey, where she bares it all – the highs, the lows, and those cringe-worthy moments when self-doubt barged in uninvited. We've all been there, right? Paloma's no stranger to the imposter syndrome. From the nerve-wracking "Do I belong here?" moments to the realizations that smashed imposter syndrome to bits, Paloma's got your back. 

Whether you're a student facing midterms week or just someone who's curious about the first gen experience, Paloma's episode is the pep talk you didn't know you needed. Tune in for a feel-good chat that proves success isn't about having it all together – it's about embracing the messy, learning from the falls, and celebrating the wins, big or small.

So grab your headphones, hit play, and let Paloma's contagious positivity guide you through the maze of higher education. Spoiler alert: You're more awesome than you think! 🌟 

Transcript:

Paloma (00:00:16) - Hello.

Paloma (00:00:16) - Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Diaries of First Gen. This is your host, Paloma. And today we'll be talking about something that I'm sure a lot of us go through. Us first gen college students., and that is imposter syndrome. And even if you're not a first gen college student, I'm sure everyone experiences this., and I think that it's something that, you know, we need to talk about more,, especially, like our experiences., how do we know that we have imposter syndrome? What it is, in case you don't know what it is. And. More importantly, how do we overcome it? So we're going to be discussing all of these things today. And, I just want to, you know, share our experiences and,, just know that you're not alone in this because like I said, it's I'm sure it's something that everyone goes through at least once in their college journey. And, you know, it's something that we need to normalize, but also something that we need to learn to overcome together.

Paloma (00:01:20) - So we should get started. Okay everyone. So in today's intro, I did mention,, that I was going to define what impostor syndrome was., for anyone who doesn't know what it is or who has never heard of this syndrome, and I think that the easiest way to give an example or reference this is referencing a Disney movie. Now, don't laugh at me for this., but have you all seen. Or if you haven't, go watch a specific clip on YouTube. It's this Disney movie. They just came out a few years ago. It's called Luca. And there's this some scene that talks about how one of the characters is afraid to do things because there's like a voice in their head that tells them that you know they're not good enough, or that you know that like other people are better, or it's just not that like that voice of fear in your mind. Right? And they like they call it Silencio. Bruno. So imposter syndrome is a little bit similar, but it's not fear.

Paloma (00:02:32) - That's the voice. It's the voice telling you that you know you're not enough, that telling you that you are not as good as you think you are and that you know you don't deserve your accomplishments. How big, however big or small they are. And basically it's just that little voice in your mind, you know, that annoying voice that that's telling you that you're a fraud, that you don't deserve success, and that sooner or later you're going to be exposed. So,, in higher education, this can look like, oh, like, I don't deserve to be here. Like, I don't even know how I got into college, you know, or like, oh, like, everyone else is so smarter than me. How you know, how am I here? Or,, it's just like that self-doubt that you have and, like, hence the name imposter syndrome, because you feel like you're an imposter, that you're just faking the smartness or you're, you know, you got that place at that college you got into or that you're in that class for luck, right? You don't take any pride or not pride, but you don't take any accomplishments.

Paloma (00:03:47) - You don't no. Credit them to yourself or you don't., you don't celebrate them because you think, oh, I could be doing so much more. Like I could be doing so much more better. Or I could be, you know, I could be doing just as good as this other person, this other classmate, this other peer, and, you know. This is something that we constantly go through as first gen. Well, I hope that you don't experience this and that you have. I am so sorry., it is something that's common. Just because, like I said before, I was the first gen. We're the first ones and everything. And part of being the first ones is sometimes not having that confidence of, you know, being like, oh, do I really deserve to be in the place that I am? Like, for example,, for me, I'm going to private for your university, but with a scholarship before. Right. But even then, you know, there's times where, like, I question myself, like, do I deserve the scholarship? Like, am I doing enough to say I deserve the full right? And, you know, that's part of imposter syndrome, you know? And,.

Paloma (00:04:59) - So this is basically like the definition of imposter syndrome. It's like the scientific one. I'll read it out to you guys. This is refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not competent. So basically that you're not good enough., as others perceive you to be, despite evidence of your accomplishments. It's that nagging feeling that you're a fraud and that you don't deserve your success. And sooner or later you're going to be exposed. So it's just like that example that I told you guys and,. What are some like common signs and manifestations of imposter syndrome? So some signs include persistent self-doubt, fear of failure, attributing success to luck rather than your abilities, constantly feeling like you need to overachieve to prove your worth. As someone from a Latino household, I know this one is going to hit home. And I know that anyone you know, like any first gen, you know person who is a daughter or a son or just like a kid from immigrant families, from immigrant parents, I know, I know, you guys will like, you know,.

Paloma (00:06:13) - Feel identified with this because I feel like with like immigrant parents, they have this standard that like, you know, if they brought you here or if, you know, they came over here to the United States to give you a better life, that the least you can do is, you know, be a freaking a straight-A student, right? And like, sometimes I'm grateful enough that my mom is starting to, you know, revert back from that mentality and, like, being a little bit more lenient when it comes to my grades or when it comes to, like, college expectations because she's seen. What this whole journey has done to me and my mental health. But I know for like other classmates or other friends that I have., it's not that. It's not like that. You know, they their parents still expect them to, you know, pass all of their classes with flying colors and they start feeling that if they don't overachieve, if they don't do all these things, that they're not worthy.

Paloma (00:07:13) - And like I said, this comes into play with imposter syndrome because they start to believe it and internalize it within themselves, which is not good., and like I said, it can manifest in both personal, like I say, like family settings. Or it can also manifest in professional settings, like in college or in school. So now let's talk about some of like the factors that contribute to self-doubt. And one of the key ones, as I was mentioning, is perfectionism. So as a daughter of immigrants, you know, personally, like I suffer from perfectionism. I remember,, every time they, they would like, train us for interviews or stuff. I would always be like, oh, you know, like, what's your greatest weakness? And my go to was, oh, I'm a perfectionist, which I think now is something that you're not supposed to say in your interviews because it's like over, over said or like overhyped or whatever, but. Basically, it's like you need things to be a certain way or else you won't be, like satisfied with the outcome.

Paloma (00:08:27) - And I think that it just stems from like all the way of, you know, you being the first, you know, your little siblings or like your cousins or any like younger people in your family looking up to you. And then it's like, you know, that pressure of like being perfect and stuff and like, all of that can contribute to self-doubt, because when you do make a mistake, even though you know, we're all human, we all make mistakes. You tend to like maximize those mistakes. And that could lead to, like, imposter syndrome., you know, where, like, you're setting unrealistically high standards for yourself. And like I said before, childhood experiences, societal and cultural pressures are a big thing. And like other personality traits and basically like the fear of being exposed as a fraud often stems from like a disoriented self perception of yourself. So I'm going to be talking to you guys about a time when I had a very, like, imposter syndrome moment. So like I mentioned to you guys,, I like I'm going to a four year university and like, I have a Fulbright scholarship and stuff, but,, I've always been a 4.0 student.

Paloma (00:09:47) - So, like, I think that since I'm, like, being a full time student and, you know, just like being the the first person in my family to go to college, there's this expectation that since in high school I have like straight A's, that it was going to be the same in college. So I did go to community college before transferring to the four year university. And same thing. When I went to community college, my classes were all like, you know, I was getting straight A's. I got my AA degree with a 4.0, but when I came to for university my first semester, because this is barely my second semester. But when my first semester went by smoothly, like I did struggle a little bit, but I, I didn't feel any self-doubt. So,, I'm an English major, and one of my required classes is an elective, so I decided to take world literature. Mind you, I had already taken world literature at another,, at the community college.

Paloma (00:10:51) - So I'm taking this class, and just my professor is. She's very challenging. That's how I'll put it. Like her assignment and like her standards are very up there. That's all I'll say. Like, they're very, like, up there. And I remember I was a little bit doubtful because she gave us the freedom of, like, writing a prompt or writing whatever we wanted to write about. And I'm always used to being like, you know, guided in a certain direction. So I took, you know, I took a shot, I took like a risk. And I wrote about something that was very like, unconventional, like for the story that we were reading. And I turned in my paper. Right. And when the time comes back to, like, receive that grade, she didn't even take the time to grade my things because she said that my essay didn't make sense to her. Now, mind you, coming, you know, like from this trend that I always get a 4.0 and that I always called straight A's and everyone said that like my writing was good.

Paloma (00:11:57) - Like that was like a bucket of cold water on me because, you know, it really made me question, you know, if I was really up to the standard or if like, you know,, I had chosen the right major, it made me question a lot of things. And it all boiled down to like me thinking that, you know, I was just faking my intelligence. Yup. That's what it got down to. I got to a point where I was like, spiraling. And because it was like the first rejection that I had ever gotten basically in my college career. And,, and like, it made me spiral into thinking that I was faking my intelligence. Like, you know what? Maybe I am not as intelligent as I think I am. And it was like, like I said, a bucket of cold water. And it was something like I had to grapple with. And I remember talking to this one friend.

Paloma (00:12:55) - And.

Paloma (00:12:57) - She was telling me, she said.

Paloma (00:12:59) - Oh, well, you know,, what makes you think that? You know, you fake your intelligence.

Paloma (00:13:04) - And then I told her the whole story. I just told you guys, and,, she was telling me, well, what else is making you feel this way? And then I was telling her how I, you know, I don't participate as much in class. Other students, they're, like, raising their hands, and they just. They sound so articulate and they sound so, you know, intelligent with their answers. And they're like, analysis is so interesting, retrospective. And it's just, I don't know, like, I was just so impressed with how they would articulate and how they would answer and how like their responses were so thought out that I felt like, you know, my response or my input in the discussions wasn't good enough. So I stopped raising my hand and I stopped participating. And, you know, I was telling her that like that also contributed to me questioning, like if I was faking my intelligence and this is what she told me, she said. Well, you know, maybe they participate a lot, but you don't know if they're like, they know what they're doing as well.

Paloma (00:14:06) - And like that shifted things into perspective. Because I was like, wait, you're right, you know? And she was telling me, yeah, well, because you don't know, like, maybe they're, they're good at, you know, answering questions or maybe they're a little bit better than you are writing papers or, you know, at school, but, you know, they they can't be perfect and everything. They can be better at everything. She said. Like, everyone has their own doubts. Everyone, you know, nobody's going to be perfect and you can't expect yourself to be perfect, right? You can't expect yourself or you can't compare yourself to other people who haven't gone through things you've gone through. And that really put things in perspective. And like, it's hard getting over imposter syndrome. But I promise you that you can do it like I'm working on it. And I know that we can work on this together. And, you know, we need to overcome this. And I feel like.

Paloma (00:15:04) - When in our families we can't really talk about it because first of all, they don't know what it is to be in like a college classroom setting or like in higher education. And of course, we know it's not their fault, right? But, you know, sometimes it's hard, you know, communicating these things with like, our parent or with like, other siblings or other family members because they don't know that experience. But like, I think that talking it out with other people who have imposter syndrome really helps you out and really like shifts or put things in perspective. So. Some strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, like the one I mentioned. Like talking to someone that, you know, like has gone through it or knows what you're talking about or like at least knows like the college experience., it's very helpful building that self-awareness., like I said before, like I wasn't aware that I was having imposter syndrome, but once I started looking at the symptoms and I saw, like, noticing these little things,, I realized like, oh, shit.

Paloma (00:16:14) - You know, like, I have imposter syndrome, right?.

Paloma (00:16:19) - But yeah, and.

Paloma (00:16:21) - Reframing those negative thoughts, I think that's also a big one. And like I'm still working on it and I'm taking a sociology class. So like that actually like, you know, made me minor in sociology. And I'm taking a class. And one of the key things to like reverse those negative thoughts is talking to yourself or as if you were,, you were talking to your best friend. And I think it's something like it's called like the double standard., actually, I have the paper. Let me take it out. Hold up. How's my little setup over here? So it's called the double standard technique. So talking to yourself in the same compassionate way, you would talk to a dear friend who was upset instead of putting yourself down. Be nice. So,, I think that that's something that has helped me a lot, because every time I'm thinking like, oh, like, you know, you're just here because you got lucky, or you know what? Maybe I'm thinking my intelligence.

Paloma (00:17:27) - I, I, you know, take a step back and I'm like, wait, no, actually, you know, you deserve to be here and you're not faking your intelligence, you know, because if you were, you would have been exposed a long time ago, sis. But you're not, you know, so. And it's just like, you know, sometimes we just gotta be brutally honest with yourself and, like, you know, but at the same time, be gentle and compassionate. And I know it's like a oxymoron or it's like, you know, like, how are you going to be both at the same time? But I promise you, you can,. Another thing is, like like I said, self-awareness. Like identifying or acknowledging that like, oh my God, I have imposter syndrome. And one of the things that you could do is write down the negative thoughts,, and see like what your what they are, and writing them down can actually make it easier to think about the problem or like, you know, think about the negative thought or like the syndrome in a more positive and realistic way.

Paloma (00:18:29) - So like I said, like once I say it out loud, like, oh my God, I've been faking my intelligence. It sounds kind of dumb, right? Or it sounds kind of like contradicting. Like how it doesn't make any sense. So once you start acknowledging and once you start like saying things out loud or writing them down, it's I feel like it's more more like tangible and more easier to grasp and to start working on it. And,. Another big thing is like acknowledging and internalizing your achievements. So no matter how small or how big they are, I feel like a key thing. It's just like celebrating your accomplishments and your achievements. And it could be as as, you know, as simple as like saying like, oh my God, like I did this, you know, just like saying like, yeah, I did that. You know, I passed that test, I turned in that essay or like, it could be as something as small, like, oh my God, like, I woke up today or I made it to class or you know what, we went to all our classes today.

Paloma (00:19:33) - It could be like a small achievement like that because I know sometimes it's hard, right? And as us being our only support system and just having our friends who are also in college has their support system and not our family, it's hard sometimes, like I'll tell you that. So having that, you know, like it's like acknowledgement of your achievement could make the difference and. I think that that's like all that matters. And even like if it's just, you know, like, oh, you know, I, I passed that exam or I turned in that exam, let me go get myself a little tree, like a little snack. Right., that could, you know, like, just internalize your achievement and just celebrating yourself is part of the process of overcoming, you know,, imposter syndrome and giving yourself the credit that you deserve. So I think I've been yapping too much in this episode, so I'll let you guys go. Thank you so much, everyone, for tuning in to Diaries of First Gen.

Paloma (00:20:43) - I really appreciate you listening to this episode., go ahead and please give it a follow, leave a comment in the Q&A or, you know, leave a little rating., I take constructive criticism too don't worry. And, you know, I, I promise that I'll try to get a guest for the next episode so you guys don't have to be hearing me yap. But,, I really appreciate you guys supporting the podcast and just tuning in, and I'll see you guys in the next episode. And thank you so much again. All right. Bye now.